


To Have Never Known

by whitebeltwriter



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitebeltwriter/pseuds/whitebeltwriter
Summary: Kara gets hurt and blows out her powers in a fight and Lena doesn't hear about it for two days and gets unexpectedly (to her) concerned about Kara.Post 5x13
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 30
Kudos: 708





	To Have Never Known

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning: while I've more or less kept up with the show I haven't actually watched an episode for quite a while.  
> Any and all ooc mistakes can be blamed on that.

Lena doesn't hear about the fight -really a  _ battle _ \- until two days after it was already over.

She'd been working in the lab. The  _ one _ good thing to come out of Lex's little existential upheaval is that with him newly restored as CEO of "Luthor Corp", she was freer to actually do what she loved and tinker in the labs almost as much as she pleased.

Lena came out of one of the longest sessions she’d had in years (she was  _ so close _ to a breakthrough) and was grabbing a cup of coffee when the news anchors brought up how progress was going concerning the collateral from Supergirl's latest fight.

The brunette watches and the blood drains from her face as clip after clip was shown of the Girl of Steel going hand to hand with… something not of earth-or perhaps from the bowels of hell, no one was quite sure.

Supergirl matches the creature blow for blow but as the fight drags on it becomes clearer she’s struggling. Back and forth and across a good deal of the biggest park in the city they fight, until  _ finally  _ the creature falls. Tinny cheers of relief can be heard through the recording. 

But they dwindled as Supergirl takes a staggering step forward-

Falls–

...and doesn't immediately rise again, or even seem to try.

The feed cuts out just as a figure in black - _ Alex,  _ Lena distantly thought _ \-  _ begins to sprint across the field towards the downed hero, and returns to the newscasters as they congratulate Supergirl not only for her defeat of the unknown antagonist but also for a speedy recover, switching to a clip apparently taken the day after the battle, showing the blonde tugging a boat safely to the docks-

But it isn't her.

Lena can tell.

The smile isn't quite right, the eyes even at a distance not bright enough, and the way she flies just isn't the same as the Kryptonian. 

It  _ isn't _ Supergirl…

Coffee completely forgotten, Lena calls Catco and asks – _ convinces– _ the receptionist to see if Kara Danvers had been in to work yet.

“One moment please.” The faint click-clacking of keys sounding through the speaker for several seconds.

“I’m sorry Miss Luthor, but it looks like Miss Danvers isn’t in today. Seems she caught the flu the other day and has been home sick ever since.”

Lena thanks her and hangs up.

...At least she thinks she did.

The next time she’s fully aware of... _ anything _ , she’s standing in front of the blonde’s apartment with a slight pang in her clenched fist suggesting she’s already knocked. And rather hard at that.

She has the presence of mind to ask herself what she’s doing when footsteps inside the apartment begin making their way to the door.

Any and all relief she feels at the blonde–the  _ real _ blonde–opening the door quickly shatters the second she gets her first real look at her.

Her left arm is in a sling. The right side of her face is more abrasions than actual skin. And by the way she’s standing, something is wrong with one of her legs, but it’s difficult to say what, or even which one, through the baggy sweatpants she’s currently wearing.

But out of all of that, it’s the split in her lip that has Lena gasping, her hands coming up to cover her own mouth as if to force the display of weakness back where it came from.

Kara looks like hell chewed her up and spat her out for being too sweet.

“Lena? What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” the blonde asks, confusion ringing in her voice. “Are you okay?”

In an instant, all the pent up feelings swirling through Lena –the worry, the guilt, the emotions too vast to even bear considering–  _ immediately _ transform into something akin to rage and she wastes  _ no time _ in letting Supergirl know it.

“Am I okay? Am  _ I _ okay?!” she spits, lip curling in rage.

“Uh–”

“Have you lost your godforsaken mind?!” Lena demands, storming into the apartment, forcing the blonde to stagger backwards through sheer force of will. “Did that monster hit you too many times on the head?! What were you  _ thinking _ , taking it on by yourself! Why didn’t you just wait!” The door slams shut to punctuate her point.

Kara stops and stands firm; an ounce of steel returning to her spine with only a  _ slight _ flinch.

“Everyone near enough to help was busy taking out the guy and his goons responsible for that poor thing’s creation in the first place. If I had waited innocent people would have been hurt,” she states without an ounce of regret or remorse.

“So it’s better that you got hurt instead?!”

“Yes! And I'm  _ fine! _ ” Kara retorts testily, as if she’d already had to convince someone else.

“YOU ARE NOT FINE!” Lena screams before crumbling in on herself. Her outburst stuns Kara into silence, and she can only watch as Lena stares at her battered arm, tears filling her eyes.

“You’re not fine…” Lena whispered. “You’re hurt. You–you  _ fell _ and you didn’t get  _ up _ an-and I didn’t-I didn’t–” she staggers forward unthinkingly and stops a millimeter shy of touching the arm that used to hold her so warmly.

“...you didn’t what, Lena?” Kara gently coaxes.

“I didn’t know,” the brunette chuckles wetly without a trace of humor. “I–I was in my lab. For  _ days _ . And didn’t hear about it until this morning. And you were  _ hurt _ and you could’ve–you  _ could’ve– _ ” The damn word lodges itself in her throat, refusing to be spoken; the very weight of it bowing her body. “...and I would have never  _ known _ until it was too late!”

Lena squeezes her eyes as hard as she could, shameful tears leaking from the edges; but still the vision dances tortuously through her mind.

Of Kara falling from the might of the creature.

Falling when kryptonite poisoned the air.

Falling before Reign.

Scene after scene of every time that Supergirl–that  _ Kara–  _ had come so close to falling for good.

To never rise again.

To leave Lena’s life forever.

And she wouldn’t have  _ known. _

“Lena?” Kara asks as the hand of her good arm rises to barely graze the hair aside of the brunette’s head.

“...how many…”

“...Wha–”

Lena’s head snaps up, nearly slamming into Kara’s nose as she had unwittingly taken a step closer, bringing them eye to eye for the first time in what felt like decades.

“How many times have you almost died!” She demands, tears running freely down her cheeks as she bites the bullet.

Kara sees the distress barely caged behind the anger, and for a short but shameful second, debates about lying.

But she can’t. Not again. Not about this.

“Honestly?” she asks with a wry smile, “I do my best to not keep track. It-it’s best for everyone, and some of them...some of them are times I just don’t  _ want _ to remember.” Her face flinches as those very moments rise to her mind before being shoved back down again.

Lena takes a shuddering breath and looks away, the unfulfilling answer turning over in her mind as she tries to do her own tally.

She  _ hates _ how fast the number climbs.

Turmoil continues inside her and she knows, she  _ knows _ , she’s making a fool of herself but she can’t  _ stop _ ; her logic and emotions are clashing and refuse to listen to  _ reason _ .

She’s running through every scenario at breakneck speed on what would happen if Ka– _ Supergirl  _ did perish, while her logical side chides her all the while, noting all the reasons why Kryptonians are so difficult to kill. 

Super strength. Super speed. Super invulnerability ( _ damn _ whoever came up with the word “super”). Super heal–...!

“Why are you still hurt?!” Lena asks bemusedly. She knows Kryptonians are capable of  _ taking _ damage –she’d  _ seen _ it– but she’s never witnessed one in obvious pain days after the fact.

She’d never been given the privilege, she thinks bitterly.

“I sorta...blew out my powers?” the blonde responds, sheepishly scratching the unblemished side of her face.

“...you did what now?”

Kara sighs. “It happens on occasion. I push a bit too hard and wind up spending all the energy I’ve stored from being under a yellow sun. After that... I’m as vulnerable as a human.”

“What,” Lena asks blankly.

The blonde’s face scrunches briefly before she hisses in irritation from her scratches. “Well, technically the  _ average _ human. The Flash is an outlier and shouldn’t count in my opinion–”

Lena sways for a second before body drops towards the ground like a stringless puppet.

Kara cries out “ _ Lena!”  _ as she bolts forward to catch her, heedless of her injuries for a moment before they reassert themselves and cause both women to crumble to the hardwood floor.

The brunette is dimly aware of the Kryptonian saying something to her, but all she can hear is the voice in her head repeating–

She’s as vulnerable as a human. She could die.

She’s as vulnerable as a human. She  _ can _ die.

She.

Can.

_ Die. _

_ Die. _

_ Die. _

...Warmth.

Warmth?

Lena blinks back outside of her head to find that Kara has picked up her left hand up and is now splaying it across the left side of her chest, shoving it under the straps of her sling without a care for her own comfort.

The brunette stares at her pale hand nearly hidden beneath the blonde’s tanner one and slowly, oh so slowly, becomes aware of the steady beating just beyond her fingertips. Of the heart working relentlessly to keep the rest of the body alive.

Her head tilts up just enough to look into the eyes of the woman whose heart she feels. Kara stares straight back; her eyes filled with tears and a thousand words. Taking a breath she lets two escape quietly.

“I’m okay.”

Flexing, Lena digs her fingers into the soft material of Kara’s t-shirt, into the chest of the being that she can’t fully comprehend–

And weeps.

Like a faucet that has been unclogged for the first time in  _ years _ , everything comes pouring out. All the pain, the sadness, the guilt and righteous fury. It all flows out of her in a torrent of indecipherable words and drenching tears, years spent in the build up.

When it inevitably, though unbelievably, comes to an end, Lena comes back into herself to find that she is safely ensconced in the blonde’s arms. Even the broken one was curled protectively around her as the woman murmured soft, warm words into her hair as they gently rocked back and forth on the floor.

If Lena wasn’t already on the floor, the sheer look on the blonde’s face would have sent her straight to her knees. She’d let out everything that was inside of her–

And Kara had absorbed every last drop of it; with a small sad smile that spoke of experience.

Lena sniffles and bows her head in shame.

“How?” She asks the blonde.

“How what?”

“How-how could you possibly… I’ve done and said so much to you; how could you even consider–”

“I care about you Lena,” Kara answers, gently raising the brunette’s chin to look her in the eye. “Always have, always will. And I have made mistakes; we both have. I’d like to start working to get past them… But I, I can’t do it by myself, Lena. I need you.”

The Kryptonian gently wipes away one of Lena’s tears as she tries to compose herself for even just a second. Moments come and go while the brunette tries to get her mind back into some resemblance of order.

“...I don’t know how to fix this…” she finally whispers defeatedly.

“That’s okay–”

“How could that possibly be okay?!” Lena snaps, frustration making her bare her teeth.

“Because I don’t know either, okay! Ahhh–” Kara lightly hissed as her outburst jostled her bad arm. Lena raises a hand to help but stops when she remembers that there isn’t anything she can do. That her touch might not be as welcomed as it once was.

“I don’t know how we’re going to fix this,” Kara continues, fighting through the pain. “And I don’t even care about the how.” She returns to staring into Lena’s soul.

“All that matters is that I  _ want _ to, because wanting to is the first step to actually making it happen. Do you  _ want _ to fix this, Lena? Because right now that is the  _ only _ reason why we haven’t started yet.”

Lena winces and bows her head. “I’m sorry…”

“I know you are, but that doesn’t answer my question. Do you want to fix this?”

“...with all my heart.”

Kara smiles. “Then we will.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Lena chuckles wetly.

“Because when you and I work together, we have never failed. And I see no reason for that to change now.”

Lena stared at her in amazement. “You really are the paragon of hope, aren’t you.”

“That’s what the Monitor said. Buuuut he also said we needed Lex back from the dead, so I would take everything he says with a grain of salt. Or maybe a half of a grain? Is that a thing?”

The brunette begins laughing, bowing her head forward until it came to rest against the blonde. Kara chuckled with her, wrapping Lena in her arms as the laughter gained tears of exhaustion.

“Ah, ha ha….  _ God _ , I’m tired of crying.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

“Oh shush, I’ve seen you tear up at tiny cat videos. Not even sad ones.”

“They have tiny beans and even tinier squeaks, Lena!”

Lena chuckles before her face drooped again.

“I miss you…”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“...I don’t want to be a villain…”

“Great, because you would be absolutely terrifying.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. But it’s not going to happen, because I’m here to remind you that you are too good of a person to become evil. Plus, if anyone can figure out how to take over the world in a benevolent way - _ without having the universe end _ – it would be you.”

“Pft- I bet you say that to all the girls who break down crying on your floor.”

“There’s the Lena I know and love. Always ready with a comeback.”

Lena bit her lip, shyness suddenly draping over her like a blanket.

“You really do love me, don’t you...”

“...Yes. More than you will ever know.”

The brunette gently clenched her fist around the loose bottom of Kara’s shirt.

“Challenge accepted.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ask me nicely about a sequel where they actually get off the damn kitchen floor and I may consider it.


End file.
